I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
