is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
