If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
