she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
