I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
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