Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
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