I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just gargled with NyQuil
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
