I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
