Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
