You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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