id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
