the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
