Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
