I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
