a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
