I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
