i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
