she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
He better not be in your backpack
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
