Kiss
Puke
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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