you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
