Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
smell my finger.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
