I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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