6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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