Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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