if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
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