Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Randomize
