If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
