shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
