Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
