When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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