My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
