best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
