i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
