Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
