During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
