dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
