I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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