I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize