I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
3pm strippers are depressing
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
