so that wasnt chicken after all
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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