u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I have fence marks all over my body
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
