wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
