So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Randomize
