Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
