I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
