I think I am morally bankrupt
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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