Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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