theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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