You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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