so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
